What to say and do if you’re worried about someone
It’s okay if you’re not an expert. Just listening can help someone work through what’s on their mind. Try to encourage them to talk, using open questions. Keep it natural and friendly.
Here are some suggested conversation starters:
- “Hey, it seems like something’s up. Do you want to talk about it?”
- “How are you? I feel like you’ve been less chatty than usual, so just wanted to check in with you.”
- “I know you’re going through a lot at the moment. Do you want to talk stuff through together?”
It doesn’t matter how you get the ball rolling, just don’t let it go unsaid. WhatsApp them, ask them to meet up or go old school and give them a call.
During the chat
- If you have spotted the signs any of the signs of suicide listed above remember, it is okay to directly ask them “Have you been having any suicidal thoughts?”.
- It might seem scary but asking someone who is experiencing suicidal thoughts, will not increase their risk of suicide. In fact asking them directly can decrease their risk and give them a chance to open up.
- Many people feel relieved and less isolated when they are asked.
- Be patient - let them take the lead and allow them to open up at their own speed. Don't be afraid of a bit of silence, it can help them to open up more and give you a full answer. You want them to tell you the difficult stuff, you’re not looking for an “I’m fine” brush off.
- Encourage them to explain “How are you feeling about that?” or “How long have you felt that way?”.
- Remind them that there are options, assure them that these feelings aren’t permanent, and support is available.
- Ask “What can I do to support you?”. It could just be they need someone to speak to, or for you to help them contact a support service.
What else can I do?
- Let them know you’re going to check in with them again. Pop a reminder in your calendar to follow up with them to see how they are doing since your last chat.
- Ask if they have managed to seek any support since your last conversation. If they haven’t, see if there’s any help, they might need in doing so.
If you or someone you know might be at risk of harming themselves or others:
Call 999 or go to your nearest Emergency Department (A&E).
If you need help for a mental health crisis or emergency, you should get immediate expert advice and assessment.
Get advice from NHS 111 by calling 111 and selecting the mental health option. You can also ask for an urgent GP appointment.
If you or someone else needs help with suicidal thoughts, you are not alone, call Samaritans for free on 116 123 or visit the website – www.samaritans.org for more ways to get in touch.
Free online training to help you feel confident having that conversation
If you’d like to feel more confident talking to someone who may be feeling helpless, lost or alone, why not complete Zero Suicide Alliance’s free online Suicide Prevention training. There’s a 5-10 minute version, and a 20-minute version, plus ones specifically for students, veterans and others.
